The Brave of Heart
by Fonique2
Summary: What is love but a collection of memories? Some are joyous, others not so much. JamesXLily. Marauder era.
1. Chapter 1

Important notes at the end, please read.

 **Fall- Year Three**

 **Gryffindor Common room**

 **Lily**

 _The centaur has a human head, torso, and arms joined to a horse's body which may be-_

"Teehee!"

The high-pitched giggle made Lily wince and cut through her focus like a knife. She closed her eyes momentarily before returning to the text.

 _-which may be any of several colors. Being intelligent and capable of speech-_

"Teehee!"

Lily narrowed her eyes, trying to stay focused. But before Lily could finish the sentence...

"Teehee!"

With an annoyed huff, Lily finally looked up from her textbook. Carefully, the red-head bookmarked her spot and gently closed the book.

Lily turned her head to Rosalin, trying not to purse her lips in disapproval. "Alright, which one are you looking at this time?"

Rosalin was a fellow third-year Gryffindor with curly, mousy brown hair and eyes the color of sapphires. She was seated beside Lily near the common room fireplace, her textbook open on her lap, still open to the same page she was reading twenty minutes ago.

Rosalin's gaze was drawn to a corner of the room where four boys were seated. One actually had his head buried in a textbook. Two were playing some type of game they must have invented that included what looked like a snitch made from parchment. The last boy was watching the game with glee.

Rosalin's voice had a dreamy quality when she responded. "I think Sirius looks rather dapper today. But James is wearing his Quidditch robes for the match later and he looks soooo good in that color."

Lily rolled her eyes and held back what would have been a very unfeminine snort.

As though Rosalin could sense Lily's attitude, she turned a frown on the girl. "You know, _you're_ the weird one for not liking men."

"They're not _men_ , they're boys," Lily replied coolly, opening her textbook once more.

 **James**

"Can't one of you just ask her out?" Remus asked aloud without looking up from his homework.

"Pardon?" James asked, not looking up from his adaption of paper American football.

"Rosalin. She's staring again. I know you guys are used to ogling but it's very distracting when you're trying to get work done."

James knew exactly where Rosalin was located, and _coincidentally_ who she was located next to, but Sirius raised his head and gazed around. His dark eyes quickly fell on the girl and his gaze rested there merely a moment before he returned his attention to the game.

"No," Sirius answered.

"Agreed," James nodded.

Remus finally looked up, a curious frown settled on his face. "Why not?"

Before either boy could open their mouths, Remus corrected himself. "I mean, I know James won't because he's in love with Lily, but why not you, Sirius?"

James' face paled and flushed at the same time. He attempted to sputter out a denial, but he was completely ignored by his companions. Sirius spoke over his incoherent babble.

"I fly solo," the dark-haired boy said simply. "No strings need be attached to this stallion."

Remus rolled his eyes but said nothing and returned his attention to his book. As Peter began to inquire of Sirius about being single for the rest of his life, James snuck a peek over at the girl sitting beside Rosalin.

Lily Evans was curled in a plushy, red armchair, fully immersed in the book resting on her lap. Her left hand was absently playing with locks of her red auburn hair. It was a habit that he had noticed that he didn't think the girl was even aware of.

James returned his gaze back to his friends before they could notice his distracted focus and tease him mercilessly. He wasn't sure how his friends had picked up on his blooming feelings for Lily when he himself tried desperately to ignore them. But even Peter had seemed unfazed with Remus' comment and he wondered, if he was _that_ obvious, if Lily knew too. If she did, she showed no interest in reciprocating his feelings and that left a sour feeling in James' gut.

Why wouldn't Lily like him? He was popular and wealthy and a star chaser on the Quidditch team. All the other girls seemed to like him. But Lily paid him no mind. What was worse was her close friendship with Severus Snape. Could it be that Lily fancied him? He was very clearly infatuated with her. But what could that greasy Slytherin possess that James didn't? He was infinitely better than Snivellus in every way. That bloody idiot couldn't even see a hex coming even if James were to warn him first-

"James!"

James was so startled at the sound of his name, having been so immersed in his own thoughts, that his body jerked and his knee hit the underside of the table he was seated at.

"Smitten," Sirius shook his head in dismay, very aware where James' mind had been.

James' face flushed with embarrassment but he was saved a response when Remus cut in.

"You should be leaving for the fields," the boy said, pointing to a clock on the far wall, still without glancing up from his book.

James' hazel eyes wandered to the clock and saw that he was indeed about to be late. He quickly got to his feet and stole another glance at the girl who was even managing to distract him from what he adored most in this world. The girl didn't even seem aware of his existence. Promising himself that he would forget about Lily Evans and purge himself of his stupid crush, James hurried out of the common room with just one more peek at the girl with auburn hair.

 **End of Term- Year Five**

 **Dungeon Corridor**

 **Lily**

His lips were surprisingly soft. Not that Lily had ever ever imagined what his lips would be like. Perhaps it was in such contrast to the way he had pushed her up against the brick wall that the gentleness surprised her.

Lily felt like she should close her eyes; but she couldn't-wouldn't. After all, this was in no way a romantic moment. Not to mention, the possible severity of the situation made the red head fear putting down her guard to make the moment seem authentic.

"Potter," a voice growled. "What are _you_ doing down here?"

James' lips left Lily's so he could turn to face the accusing voice's owner. Over James' shoulder Lily could see Mulciber glaring daggers at James. And beside him, her former friend Severus was looking devastated. His face was slack and pale, but his dark eyes were tormented as they bore into Lily's. Lily felt her heart constrict at the sight of him, the memory of his glaring eyes and harsh words from just days ago was still fresh and raw.

"Oh, Mulciber. _Snivellus_. Well, I was having a privet moment but it seems you two lack the social grace to let that continue being private," James said airily.

Mulciber's skeptical expression found Lily, who was still against the wall feeling breathless. Although she liked to believe it was from Mulciber's disbelieving stare and not the kiss she had just stared with her least favorite Gryffindor.

Lily knew what she needed to do, and it made her cringe on the inside. But on the outside, Lily forced a nervous smile. She even tried to her best to blush.

"Come on, James," Lily attempted to purr, taking the boy's hand. "Let's go find a new private place."

To Potter's acting credit, he didn't complete blanch at Lily's words. Instead, he grinned, enjoying this much more than Lily would have liked. Holding tightly onto her hand, James led Lily past the two Slytherins.

Lily didn't want to look. She told herself not to, but habit took over. Lily lifted her gaze to Severus just as she passed. His face and eyes had gone completely blank. Lily lowered her gaze and let James lead her out of the snake pit.

 **James**

As James led Lily out of the dampness of the dungeons, his mind was focused on the irony of the situation. He had finally kissed the girl of his dreams. He could still taste her lip balm on his lips. But it wasn't in any way how he had ever imagined it.

When James had fantasized about finally kissing Lily Evans, there was usually starlight involved. And a gentle breeze that gently swirled her hair around her shoulders. And he was always smiling in his visions.

But James wasn't smiling now. How could he? Lily had idiotically put herself in grave danger. Snivellus may be an idiot but he could see in Mulciber's beady calculating eyes that he hadn't believe James' lie. He knew Lily had overheard. And now James had to protect her whether Lily liked allowed it or not.

When the pair reached the Gryffindor common room, it was deserted and the fire was dwindling to embers.

"Well...goodnight," Lily said curtly.

James watched as Lily ascended the stairs to the girls' dormitories. He hadn't expected a thank you, but James had essentially saved Lily's life, or prolonged it at the very least. And yet, Lily's aloofness seemed to prove that no matter what James Potter did, he would never be good enough for Lily Evans.

 **Spring- Year One**

 **Potions Classroom**

 **Lily**

Snickering erupted from the table behind Lily as yet another sliced potion ingredient was chucked at the back of Severus' head. Lily enjoyed having potions with the Slytherins because it meant having class with her best friend. But no matter where Lily and Severus sat, Severus was always subjected to abuse from James Potter and Sirius Black. And while Lily would revel in telling off the increasingly popular duo, Severus would rather not oblige the boys. But Lily's blood was beginning to boil.

"Why do you put up with this?" Lily harshly whispered to Severus who sat beside her.

"Because a reaction would encourage them," Severus said, never lifting his eyes from the parchment he took notes on. Just then, a poorly chopped piece of ginger hit Severus in the back of the head.

As soon as Professor Slughorn's back was turn, Lily twisted to glare fiercely at the immature boys behind her. "Do you have nothing better to do? Maybe if you paid attention, your peanut-sized brains might actually grow to start filling your over-sized heads."

"Over-sized?" James turned cluelessly to his best friend. "I was always told my head was of normal proportions?"

"Perhaps dear Lily needs glasses?" Sirius suggested. "Lily, how many fingers am I holding up?"

Lily scoffed and turned back to the front. She could hear Sirius snicker behind her.

"I don't know why you try," Severus murmured, copying the new set of instructions on the blackboard. "They're idiots. They'll never change."

"Everyone can change," Lily insisted with a strangely strong conviction.

Finally, Severus lifted his gaze to Lily. "Your trust is deeply misplaced."

Lily frowned. Maybe he was right.

 **Fall- Year Three**

 **Gryffindor Common room**

 **Lily**

Rosalin slammed her book closed in finality, even though she'd only completed one page of the reading assignment.

"Well, we should probably head down to the field," the girl said, getting to her feet and stretching.

Lily merely glanced up from her book.

Rosalin rolled her eyes. "Oh come on. You're not there to support Potter; you're there to support Gryffindor."

Lily scoffed, annoyed that Rosalin would even make the assumption that Potter had anything to do with her hesitation. In truth, she wasn't much of a Quidditch fan. As in, she'd rather stay and finish the assignment due in Charms tomorrow. And especially today that Gryffindor was facing Slytherin.

The way Lily saw it, Quidditch should be a friendly game to strengthen friendship among houses. But Severus, he put so much emphasis on House. Often times, he judged the entire character of a person based on which colors they wore on their robes. And chances were, if Slytherin lost today, and they probably would, Severus would be in a grumpy mood tomorrow.

Lily sighed and got to her feet. Rosalin was right, she should support her team. Because while Lily thought a person couldn't be completely judged by the House there were in, Lily was extremely proud to be in Gryffindor. And while she would never put down another House, Lily was glad she hadn't been placed in Slytherin three years ago.

"Wait here," Lily told her friend. "I'll go get my coat."

* * *

I do not own the rights to Harry Potter or JK Rowling's original characters. The experts from the book Lily was reading came straight from _Magical Beasts and Where to Find Them._

Most important for readers of this fic: I cannot say how often this fic will be updated. This fic is my attempt to keep major writer's block at bay. So if you're looking for a fic that is regularly updated, this may not be the fic for you.

So why, you may be asking, another Lily and James fic? While there are many excellent LilyXJames fics out there, I find that many to do not represent the pair the way I personally would like to see them. I find quite a few fics that make Lily seem extremely prudish and nothing but a rule-loving, angsty teenager. I wanted to show how I see Lily and shed light as to why she was sorted into Gryffindor.

I do not normally write cannon fics per say. I tend to lean more towards OC fics. But since there is so much missing about the two in the original books, I thought Lily and James might still be up my alley, so I hope you will all agree.

Also, I would just like to mention that this story does not have a chronological order to it. The rest of the story will continue in this type of pattern. I realize this may not appeal to everyone so if you do not continue reading, I will not be offended. I've never written anything in this type of pattern before so this is kind of a test drive. I hope I can pull it off.

Now, readers of my other fics: you may be wondering why I've started another fic while many of my others remain untouched. Well, one, my laptop is busted and all my stories happen to be saved there. So until those can be extracted from that hard drive, those fics are officially on hiatus. Second, it has been a rough year in my personal life that has included marriage, several big moves and a newborn daughter. I was without a computer for at least half of the past year so anything I could write, had to be done in a notebook. So my apologies about leaving you all hanging.

Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy. Feel free to write some comments before moving on. Be a little gentle on criticism, please. I have to admit, I'm not always the greatest about constructive criticism. It's a fault of mine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Winter- Year Six**

 **Library**

 **Lily**

"Come on, Lily! _**Please**_ go out with me on Valentine's Day!"

Lily rolled her eyes, attention still on the book sitting open on the table. "James..."

"Come _**on**_ ; who else are you going with?" James whined.

Lily glared up at the boy standing over her. "Are you saying I can't get a date?"

"No!" James hurriedly assured. "But I'm offering you one with the hottest guy in school."

Lily snorted.

"Lilyyyyy..."

"James, you ask me every year..."

"That's my tactic. I've been wearing you down. It's strategy. That's what separates the winners from the chumps."

"Strategy huh? And here I thought you were just a pretty face."

"So you **do** admit that I'm hot," James grinned.

"A pretty face does not a personality make."

"I have personality!"

"A good personality," Lily amended.

"You wound me, Evans," James said, but his hazel eyes sparkled with amusement.

Lily got to her feet, reaching for her backpack with one hand as she closed the book she had been reading with the other. "If I agree to go with you to Hogsmead on Sunday, you have to do something for me."

"What?" James asked with a mix of excitement and weariness.

"For the love of god, please tell Sirius to ask Rosalin out."

It was all James could do not to laugh, which would surely attract the attention of the librarian. "Well, I can lead a horse to water..."

"And you'd better make him drink," Lily said, facing the boy with her arms crossed.

This time James chuckled and ran a hand though his jet black locks. "You drive a hard bargain, Evans, but you've got a deal."

"Wonderful," Lily held her hand out to shake, which James did with a smile. "Then you and Sirius can meet Rosalin and myself at the gates on Sunday. Let's say ten o'clock."

"It's a date," James winked before he turned on his heel and practically skipped out of the library, presumably to hunt down and threaten and/or beg Sirius.

Lily rolled her eyes, but couldn't help the endearing smile that slipped onto her face.

 **Summer- End of Year Five**

 **Hogwarts Express**

 **James**

James sat in the Marauder's usual compartment on the trip home for summer break. Sirius sat beside him, regaling Remus and Peter about his latest conquer in his favorite broom closet. Remus was barely listening, his chin on his palm as he gazed out the window to his right. Peter, however, was paying rapt attention and James was surprised he hadn't taken out a quill and some parchment to take notes. After all of the OWL exams they had taken, though, James thought he might puke if he saw a piece of parchment any time in the next month.

But James' mind wasn't on the OWLs or Sirius' story or what his other friends were doing. James was in a very far off place mentally, going over the events of the last few days repeatedly. Some might say he was reflecting, but Sirius knew better.

"Oi, mate! What are you brooding about over there?"

James glanced over at his friend, who must have finished his tale and was now focused on James. There was a lot that James was 'brooding' about, but most of it he could not tell his friends. He could not tell them about the brush with peril he had endured in order to keep stupid Lily Evans from dying.

"Is this about the incident on the lake?"

Sure, James could talk about that. But he didn't want to. James said nothing.

Sirius groaned. _"Come on_ , James. Get over her! You **have** to. You heard her out there, she'd rather date the giant squid over your over-sized head any day. And as far as I know, the squid isn't accepting date proposals."

James shot him a dark stare.

Remus frowned at Sirius. Remus had never been a fan of James' pining over the redhead. He knew that Lily's interest was nonexistent and he was tired of watching James go through the pain of rejection over and over again. James wasn't a perfect person. And he did have a lot of growing up to do. But James was a great person. He didn't care about the status of a person, only the worth of their character. This man had put his life on the line by becoming a secret animagus and foolishly roaming around with a werewolf once a month. James was a rare type of person. He still needed work, but Remus was appreciative of the friendship he shared with him. And while he knew that row with Lily was a long time coming, Remus wasn't comfortable with Sirius rubbing it in his face, intentionally or not.

"Sirius," Remus sighed before turning to James. "Look James, Sirius is right, though he could choose his words better. I know you had high hopes for Lily, but this just proves that you two will never date, never even become friends. And it hurts, but isn't it better to finally know. Now you can move on."

James only looked at Remus with a blank stare. He was right of course. It did hurt. He knew he irked Lily often, but was he really that bad of a person? Was he scum of the earth? That couldn't be. James just didn't see it. And it's not like Lily had a good judge of character if her best friend was a Death Eater in training.

Still, her words stung. And it only added insult to injury the way she had treated him after he had basically saved her life from her best friend and his goons.

James sighed, looking down to his hands. "You're right...I have no chance with Lily Evans."

 **Valentine's Day- Year Six**

 **The Three Broomsticks**

 **Lily**

"What do you suppose Rosalin and Sirius are up to?" Lily asked James.

James sat across from Lily at a rickety, wooden table in the Three Broomsticks. Sirius and Rosalin had walked down to Hogsmead with James and Lily early that day but Rosalin had wanted to go to Madam Puddifoot's. It was a tea shop decorated top to bottom in gaudy lace. Today being Valentine's Day, Lily knew from experience the venue would also be decorated with floating hearts and all things red and pink.

Immediately upon Rosalin's announcement, Sirius had turned a stricken face to James. James had said nothing, but gave his friend a look that clearly said 'please do this for me'. Sirius had rolled his eyes and relented and was promptly marched to the tea shop. James had then turned to Lily and asked if she would be okay with going to The Three Broomsticks, as Madam Puddifoot's was, quote "not his cup of tea". Lily had readily agreed, also finding the tea shop slightly vomit-inducing.

The unlikely pair now sat at their table, a butterbeer in front of each of them. They had small-talked, mostly about classes and a little about Quidditch, and Lily had skirted around the topic of her holiday. But now James seem distracted as he subconsciously picked at the sticker on his butterbeer bottle. Seeing as James had spent three years trying to get Lily to go out with him, she was a bit surprised about how quiet and distant he was now. Perhaps now that he was actually here with her, he found her to be boring.

Before Lily could dwell on the odd feeling that accompanied that thought, James answered her question. "I don't think I want to know. But I'm sure my poor ears will be forced to hear all about it later tonight."

Lily found herself feeling slightly bad for James' ears, but she was too amused to let that feeling linger. She knew Rosalin to be a bit promiscuous at times and Sirius to be all the time so she could only imagine the horrible imagery that would later run through James' mind. "Do you think there will be something between those two now?

"Oh god, no," James nearly laughed.

Lily felt her muscles tense as her characteristic urge to be defensive of her friends surfaced. Rosalin was different from Lily in many ways. Rosalin was daring and sensual and not nearly as dedicated to her studies. But Lily liked how Rosalin was bold and how she pushed Lily to try new things and Lily remembered how Rosalin had tried her best to comfort Lily on several occasions, even though it was definitely not one of her strong suits. And now that Lily had lost her best friend, she often felt Rosalin was the only one who really knew anything about her. Lily wasn't good at letting others in. She was polite to everyone and had a long string of acquaintances, but a friend who knew everything about Lily...well, she had only had one of those.

"What's wrong with Rosalin?"

"Not a thing," James replied, seemingly unaware of Lily's shift in mood. Lily's defenses lowered. "Sirius just isn't one for commitment. He likes to tell us he doesn't want to be tamed. But sometimes I think he's just waiting for me to realize my undying love for him."

James snorted at his own joke. It was the dorkiest sound Lily had ever heard, and she found it so endearing she had to suppress a grin and a giggle. James didn't make those noises. He was _cool._ He was that typical 'rough around the edges' boy from those teenage muggle movies that Lily had never cared for. Lily had always seen James as that arrogant 'cool' boy who played sports (Quidditch), winked at girls, and picked on the 'uncool' boys. And he most certainly didn't _snort_. But he just had. And it had made the whole atmosphere light and carefree and it made Lily want to laugh, just for the sake of laughter.

And right then, as Lily looked across the table she didn't see James Potter anymore. _Perfect,_ arrogant, James Potter. She just saw James. She noticed that the glasses he had recently begun wearing had small smudges on the lenses; and the hazel eyes behind them had just a hint more green hue to them. She noticed that his unruly hair had been mussed by his hands. But not seemingly because he wanted to look cool, like Lily had always believed, but as though his hands had ranked through them nervously. She noticed the collar of his shirt was askew. She noticed he had freckles. And she saw, for the very first time, a completely different person.

 **Winter- Year Four**

 **Gryffindor Common Room**

 **James**

"You're making me nervous; what are you doing?" Sirius snapped, looking up from the magazine in his lap to James, who was pacing back and forth in front of the fire.

"He's trying to figure out how to ask Lily to Slughorn's party," Peter supplied, struggling to finish a Herbology diagram.

"Oh not this again...don't do it mate, she doesn't want to go with you," Sirius exasperated. "Besides, I heard she already has a date."

This immediately halted James' progress and wearing a path into the floor. "Wait, what? With who?"

Sirius shrugged, returning to his magazine. "I don't know; didn't care enough to ask. I just heard some of the girls talking about it."

James was crushed. He had asked Lily out on a few occasions, all of which she declined with a disgusted look on her face. But James was hoping if he was persistent, Lily would adore how much he wanted her and she'd agree. Obviously that tactic wasn't working if she was going out with someone else. Time to do some sleuthing.

None of the fourth year Gryffindor girls were no where to be found; at least in the common room. But as James' eyes scanned the room, he found a blond sitting in a far corner, a book in his lap. Target aquired.

"Hey, Alice," James greeted merrily as he strode over to her. He gestured to the empty seat beside her. "Is this seat taken?"

Alice shook her head no so James sat down.

"How are you and Frank?" James implored.

A light blush flushed her cheeks, but Alice smiled. "We're good. I'm spending some of my holiday with his family."

"Wow, so things are getting pretty serious, huh?"

Alice shrugged but she couldn't wipe the huge grin off her face. She'd probably be terrible to play poker with.

"So who else is getting serious around here?"

Alice snorted and rolled her eyes. "Oh James, you are so obvious."

"What?"

"Yes, Lily is going out with someone."

James figured there was no use in denying that was the information he was after. But he didn't need to look desperate. "Oh? Who?"

"A Hufflepuff. Fifth year. But I'm not going to tell you his name; you'll just hex him."

"No I wouldn't!"

Alice held up a hand, signaling she didn't want to hear it. "Lily isn't going to go out with you, James."

James felt himself grow defensive. "And I suppose you two are best friends and you know everything?"

"Casual friends," Alice admitted. "But anyone in the castle who has been in the same corridor with the two of you could tell you she doesn't like you."

James frowned and got to his feet, heading back to his friends. James wasn't going to give up.

 **February 15th- Year Six**

 **Astronomy Tower**

 **Lily**

Despite the frosty weather outside, James and Lily sat on the ledge of an open balcony, legs dangling over the edge. A bottle of fire whiskey was placed between them and both teens took turns taking swings straight from the bottle. Their date had never truly ended even though Valentine's Day had officially ended hours ago.

"Do I even want to know how you obtained this?" Lily playfully asked, taking a quick swing and feeling a delightful burn trickle down her throat.

James took the bottle, shrugging. "Legally. I mean...we _paid_ for it."

Lily giggled, her inhibitions lost to the alcohol. She shook her head, her tone light. "Oh, you boys. Sixteen/Seventeeen and still causing trouble."

James took a second drink in a row, and Lily, upon realizing this, snatched the bottle back for her turn.

James ran a thinly gloved hand through his hair, gazing out over the snow-covered grounds of Hogwarts. "We all know our pranks are immature...except for maybe Sirius. It's just that...within these walls, it's easy to forget about the war. But when we graduate next year, we're going to be thrown out into that war. We're going to be fighting those purist bastards; some of our friends could die. And at that time, I want to remember Hogwarts, about when we were young and played stupid pranks."

When James finished, Lily could only stare at the boy. She was shocked, first by his admission that his pranks were dumb. Second...well, everything else.

"You're going to fight in the war?" Lily asked.

"Of course."

James' voice held the same tone as though Lily had asked him if the sun was hot. It was as though he hadn't thought twice about fighting in the war. Lily had never put any thought into James' stance on the war.

The Potter family was a very old, yet still pure-blooded family, and wealthy as well, which meant that they ran with the elites. Typically, the purists, those who disgraced muggle-borns and found half-bloods unclean, ran in the elite circle. Not all pure-bloods were purists, but they tended to be not so wealthy and thus the elites thought them barely better than muggle-borns.

Lily knew that the Black family was filled with purists. Sirius was the only Black to have been sorted into Gryffindor. You barely had to know Sirius to know he hated his family and all things Slytherin. Lily probably should have known James was not a purist based on his closeness with Sirius. Lily had truly believed all these years that she had known exactly who James Potter was. And now, she was realizing she had known very little.

"So how do you plan on helping the war effort?" Lily asked curiously, taking a drink. The bottle was close to empty.

James shrugged. "I'm not sure. Maybe I'll join the aurors. What about you?"

Somehow, Lily was filled with pride that James automatically assumed she would be fighting as well. "I'm not quite sure either."

"Well, you're good at Potions and Charms; maybe you should be a Healer?"

Lily smiled. "Maybe."

"Or the two of us could be vigilantes," James grinned. "Those death eaters will never know what hit 'em!"

James' grin was infectious and Lily found herself grinning as well. But not particularly over what James had said. But how she liked the way his grin lit up his entire face. How confident he was. How open. And how NOT cocky and rude he had been all day. He had been a true gentleman, opening doors and paying for her. And he had seemed so adorably nervous here and there, fiddling with his hair which seemed to be growing on Lily.

Lily wouldn't say she was falling in love. That was preposterous! They had gone on one date and had not discussed becoming an item. Lily wasn't sure she wanted to be an item. Lily had a lot of thinking to do. But right now alcohol was humming through her veins and she felt warm despite the chill of the night and suddenly she wanted to know everything about James Potter. What he liked, what he didn't like, his favorite song, how he got on with his family. She wanted to know it all.

"What's your favorite color?"

 **James**

"What's your favorite color?"

James glanced over to Lily, about to make a joke about the strange shift in conversation, but the words got stuck in his throat. Lily sat beside him, wrapped in a green pea-coat. Her hair was down, flowing over her shoulders. Snowflakes were fluttering down from the sky, sprinkling her hair and he wondering just how soft it was. It was two in the morning but her eyes were bright; not glassy because of the alcohol, but bright because she was happy. She had an eager look on her face, like all she wanted in the entire world right that second was to know his favorite color. He looked into her eyes before responding.

"Green."

Lily slowly smiled. From shy, to innocent, to coy. And before James could adapt to each change in mood, Lily was closing the gap between them. He could smell the fire whiskey on her breath, but beneath that he could small the vanilla perfume she wore.

This kiss was nothing like the first kiss they had shared. Then they'd been in danger and it had been a distraction tactic. Lily had hated him with every fiber of her being and James had been thoroughly crushed by her words at the lake. But this time was different. Lily's lip were soft and hesitant at first, but she gain confidence, possibly due to the alcohol and quickly deepened the kiss.

James was no stranger to kissing. He had spent a fair amount of time in broom cupboards with a vast array of girls James was slightly embarrassed to admit he did not know the names of. He had discovered all kinds of kissing. Passionate, sloppy, kissing with tongue and completely devouring the other. But this was completely new. Because he wasn't just feeling the sensation of Lily's lips. He was feeling the butterflies in his stomach, and his head was feeling light, and his heart was beating so fast he almost felt like he couldn't breathe. It was terrifying and exciting and euphoric.

Lily broke away, biting her lip subconsciously as she did so. She giggled at James, grabbed the bottle of whiskey and downed what was left. Lily then looked out over the Hogwarts grounds, her legs gently swinging back and forth, seeming completely at peace. But James wasn't. It was official. James was in love with Lily Evans and he had to have her.

 **Author's Notes**

So I had this chapter completed two days ago, but I just finally got it posted today. That's pretty common when you have a very needy infant.

SO. As I mentioned last chapter, this story is not linear. Instead, the chapter focuses on a theme, for example, this chapter was the first date. To add, there are memories that incorporate the theme. Such as the memories where James is constantly told that he will never go out with Lily. As far as those memories go, I feel I should apologized. They were rushed, and honestly, not my best work. As previously mentioned, my writing muse is pretty dead at the moment. So instead of waiting for it to revive itself (because who knows how long that'll take), I kind of just threw the rest of this chapter together. I had all the date scenes written for a while. So I apologize but I hope the chapter wasn't horrible.

I feel that I should mention that I am very aware that Lily and James don't start dating until their seventh year. This was just a date, they are not dating. Just to clear that up.

I guess that's it for notes. Hope this story isn't too confusing and a nice break from the usual (and probably better) stories that are about. Much love!


	3. Chapter 3

**Late Fall- Year Six**

 **Gryffindor Commonroom**

 **Lily**

It was growing late; the sun had set and the sky was beginning to change from a purple hue, to the black of night. Lily could be outside at the moment, enjoying one of the last nights of crisp fall air before the storms of winter took over, with a handsome Ravenclaw who had nervously ask Lily to take a stroll with him after dinner. But Lily had declined; she had studying to do she told the Ravenclaw. And that was true. She _did_ have studying to do, and a long essay due for Defense Against the Dark Arts in a few days. And, in fact, Lily had done some studying this evening, but she was quickly distracted.

The self-proclaimed marauders and Rosalin had decided to team up this evening in front of the fireplace to practice their Charms homework and to review the complex Transfiguration reading that Professor McGonagall had assigned. They had asked Lily to join them; they'd been inviting Lily to spend a large amount of time with them lately. Lily had eagerly accepted, while trying to look less than eager.

The actual studying had been done away with about an hour ago. Now, the members of their "study group" were spread out in the cozy armchairs, books stacked around them, completely forgotten. Currently, Lily was trying hard not to laugh as Sirius and James threw playful spells at one another; and certainly not the spells they were supposed to be practicing. James had the upper hand, since he had mastered nonverbal spells and was able to catch Sirius by surprise. Lily was having much more fun spending time with her friends than out for a walk.

Yes, Lily Evans now considered the four boys her _friends_. She couldn't remember how they had become actual friends. She couldn't even say if there was a moment that she had realized what they had become to her. They had simply assimilated themselves into her life; acting as though they had always been there. Sometimes it seemed like they had. She had always been on friendly terms with Remus; although that had more to do with making her nightly patrols as a prefect more tolerable than actually being interested in the boy as friend material. But Lily soon found herself feeling very fond of Remus as well as his friends.

Remus was the easy one. He was quiet and sweet and helpful, even if he had sat back all those years, turning a blind eyes to the antics of the Potter and Black duo. Lily found he was the only marauder with whom she could actually get homework done, although now that they were closer, they ended up going on rants about whatever they were reading, either ending in a huff at each other due to opposing views, or in fits of laughter when they finally realized whatever they were debating about was completely ridiculous.

Peter was easy to adapt to as well. Obviously the forth wheel of the group, Peter seemed eager to accept Lily as a friend, if it was only because the other boys were doing it. But Peter was lovely in his own way. Although not as talented as his other friends, Peter had a different take on things, often blurting out a purpose for a spell or a view on a wizard uprising that Lily had never considered herself. It didn't hurt that he was polite and sometimes seemed in awe when Lily flawlessly executed a spell, or better yet, a hex.

Sirius was probably the most difficult to accept into her small friendship circle. He was a brooding fellow and extremely distrustful. Under the light-hearted jabs, Lily could always sense a bit of unease and mistrust in his words. And she assumed he was not all that pleased about how Lily had treated James the entirety of their Hogwarts career. But Lily brushed that aside; it's not like James didn't deserve it. But over time, Lily could almost physically see Sirius relaxing around her as she became a regular in their group and more than once Sirius and nearly fallen onto the floor while laughing due to something Lily had said or a crude joke made under her breath.

And James...well, James was a different story. It was because of him that she had been adopted into the misfit group in the first place. She had once despised the very ground James walked on, but that hatred had been ebbing away as of late. She still thought he was a git sometimes but other times she felt...well, it was stupid really. Lily didn't even want to admit it. It couldn't really be a crush. She couldn't have a stupid, little crush on James Potter. It just wasn't possible. But he was a surprisingly nice friend. And as she watched James magically fly a crumpled piece of parchment at Peter's head in retaliation for a remark he had made, Lily tried to focus on how she had got here.

 **July- Summer Break**

 **Evans' Residence**

 **Lily**

The summer had thus far been wrought with anguish for Lily. Summer break was always nerve wracking for her. She was always happy to see her father, who she adored and was very close to. But visiting home always meant living under the same roof with her sister for three months.

Lily and Petunia had always been close as children. Lily had a plethora of memories of the two of them playing on the nearby playground, catching butterflies and pushing one another on the swing-set. But it had all changed when Lily had received and owl and a representative from Hogwarts explaining to her that she was a witch. Petunia had been jealous of Lily, but over the years, the jealousy had turned to anger and, sometimes Lily thought, hatred.

Every summer and holiday break, Petunia spent her time ignoring Lily. When they were forced to spend time around each other, namely at mealtimes, Petunia stuck her nose in the air and acted as though Lily was a foul odor Petunia couldn't wait to get away from. Because of this, Lily didn't speak at meals, unless prompted to by her father. And when she did converse, she never brought up school or anything magic related. Even their father had learned not to discuss Lily's abilities near Petunia since it sent her into a ranting fit of hysteria.

At least Lily could get away from Petunia and visit her best friend, who lived a few blocks away in the poorer neighborhood. Lily and Severus would meet at their favorite park, sit beneath their favorite tree and waste away the day. Sometimes they would spend an entire afternoon discussing potions and how to alter them.

But this summer, Lily wasn't sitting beneath an old oak tree, soaking in the sun. She was shut away in her bedroom, reading through a potions textbook and lazily making notes in the margarine, trying to forget the acid in Severus' voice after he had chosen the Dark Arts over Lily.

And yet, that was not all that was plaguing Lily. The most unlikely of persons was on Lily's mind lately. Stupid, immature, James Potter. Much to Lily's annoyance, the messy-haired prat had commandeered Lily's thoughts as of late and no amount of textbook reading or her father's favorite sitcoms could banish the boy from her mind. Lily found herself sickeningly overcome with guilt.

She replayed her last evening at Hogwarts over and over again. She hadn't asked James for his assistance. She wasn't even sure how James had known she was in the dungeons that night. Maybe he had followed her hidden beneath that stupid cloak of his. And no matter how stalkerish that was of him, Lily was filled to the brim with guilt.

Lily hated to admit when she needed help, or when she was doing something stupid. So naturally she despised when anyone pointed it out to her. And James Potter had certainly done that. She had needed help that night and she was being stupid and chalking it up to her house's prized bravery. James had offered the help she needed that night, or more so forced his help on her. And she had treated him poorly for said assistance. It had been pretty egotistical of her, and Lily always thought she was above that.

But that wasn't all Lily felt guilty for. Lily blamed James for the way Severus had treated her. If he hadn't have bullied Severus, he wouldn't have lashed out at her. He wouldn't have said those hurtful words. She'd be at the park right now, not trying to use books to cure her loneliness.

The rational part of Lily told her this wasn't the case. Severus had been drifting away for awhile and delving deeper into the Dark Arts. James hadn't forced Severus to say those words, it was the ideology that had been brewing in him for some time. All James had really done, aside from being a total prat, was force Severus to reveal who he really was.

Lily wasn't about to thank Potter, but she thought maybe she should apologize. But the idea of apologizing to Potter's face made her feel nauseous. And there was the problem.

Lily sighed aloud, putting aside the book she'd been reading. She'd been rereading the last sentence repeatedly anyway. Her mind ran through her options, making Lily scowl at the lack of them, and she got up from the bed, She took a seat behind the old, battered desk in her room.

"I can't believe I'm even thinking about doing this," Lily muttered to herself, reaching for a piece of parchment and an intact quill. She sighed heavily, as though it was physically paining her, and dipped the quill in ink.

 _Potter,_

With a huff of frustration, Lily tossed aside her now ruined parchment and grabbed a new piece.

 _James,_

 _I hope this letter finds you well. I'm sure you're enjoying your break away from school work; I know I am._

Lily paused, frowning as she read what she had written. This was stupid; writing a letter to a boy she hated. And she still didn't plan to apologize exactly. She thought maybe if she could just show politeness that would smooth everything over. But why did it matter? She didn't want to be friends with him anyway.

She sighed and dropped her quill. Pushing out her chair, she got to her feet and returned to her bed. She laid down, grabbing the book she'd just abandoned. But not matter how hard she tried to focus on the words, she could not take in what she was reading.

When the words began to blur together, Lily gave up with a loud groan of frustration. She tossed the book to the side without much care, something she'd never done in her life. She felt like she was suffocating beneath the weight of her raging emotions. Lily had never had this problem; she'd always been more logical, and she was at the end of her rope.

Deciding the irrational guilt over James would be one less thing she had to worry about, Lily got up and sat down at her desk once more. She was determined. All she had to do was write a weirdly nice letter and she wouldn't have to worry about stupid James Potter anymore. She could do this.

 _James,_

 _I hope this letter finds you well. I'm sure you're enjoying your break away from school work; I know I am. I am anxiously awaiting the results of my OWLs, as I'm sure everyone is._

 _Please refrain from planning any pranks for the coming school year. We have a lot more course work this coming year and I can't run around trying to catch you. Speaking of Prefect duties, please relay to Remus that we have to meet in the Prefects compartment on the train, as per usual._

 _Have a delightful rest of your summer,_

 _Lily_

Lily set down her quill with a sigh, her eyes quickly scanning the brief letter. It was alright, she decided. There was no apology written in there, just a classmate wishing another classmate a delightful break. This should do the job in smoothing things over, at least she hoped. She just wanted in to be enough that they wouldn't end up in a duel in the corridors. She thought she'd achieved that.

With a nod of encouragement to herself, Lily rolled up the parchment and went in search of her owl, who was not in her cage. She was most likely sitting on the window sill in the kitchen, begging her father for scraps.

When Lily had first learned of the pets you could bring to Hogwarts, she thought an owl was an odd choice of animal. But she quickly learned over the summer before she departed for her first year, that owls were the wizarding world's main source of communication. She had figured having her own would make it easier to communicate with any friends she would make at her new school. So on her first trip to Diagon Alley, her father had purchased her an owl of her own, and Demelza had been her faithful companion ever since.

Lily did in fact find Demelza at the kitchen window, pecking at last night's leftovers. After stroking her feathers, Lily tied her short letter to her leg. She didn't know where James lived, but knowing that owls had a keen sense of direction and a strange knowledge of where to find people, Lily told her cream-colored owl to fly to the Potter residence. Demelza hooted softly before hopping out of the window and soaring out of sight.

Lily sighed, feeling slightly less tense than she had for the majority of her break. At least that was one problem taken care of. However James interpreted the letter was up to him and frankly, Lily didn't care. As Petunia walked through the front door of their childhood home, Lily remembered she had bigger problems to deal with.

 **September 1- Year Six**

 **Hogwart's Express**

 **Lily**

The prefect meeting was over and the students were free to return to their compartments. Lily had stored her trunk with Rosalin and Alice and was hoping she could get back to their compartment before the snack trolley came by. Lily had only eaten a few bites of toast this morning before she had to rush to the train station and she could feel the rumbles of hunger in her stomach. As Lily was contemplating how many cauldron cakes she could buy, Remus' voice cut through her thoughts.

"How did you do on your OWLs?"

Lily glanced to Remus, who was walking down the aisle beside her. The maruader's usual compartment was closer to them at the moment than hers was and would be coming up shortly so Lily was a little surprised Remus decided to initiate conversation. She was usually the one to begin a conversation. But Lily shrugged it off and answered. "Oh I did pretty well, aside from Divination. But that subject is complete nonsense anyway."

Remus agreed and appeared as though he was about to say more when something caught their eye. Remus' compartment was just a few feet ahead, but Remus would have kept talking up until he was walking through the sliding door. But the door was already open, and Rosalin was leaning against the door frame, chatting with the boys inside.

Lily felt a slight queasiness roll through her belly. Rosalin was essentially Lily's only close friend now that Severus was gone. And Rosalin certainly knew of the unease between Lily and the boys. After all, it had been Rosalin who had been stuck with the task of consoling Lily after the incident at the lake.

Lily couldn't very well walk past Rosalin to their compartment, Rosalin would certainly see her and Lily wanted to avoid a scene, no matter how small, in front of the boys at all costs. Lily was going to have to approach Rosalin, which meant she'd be walking up to the last boys she wanted to see right now. Even Remus seemed to sense her unease. He frowned at Lily for a moment before taking the lead and strolling over to the open doorway.

"Hello, Rosain. Have a nice break?" Remus asked politely as he neared. Rosain glanced up at his arrival, smiled and slid aside so Remus could enter. As she did so, Rosalin peered over and spotted Lily. Lily desperately tried to make hand movements to tell Rosalin she wanted to get by without incident, but either Rosalin didn't understand her, or she was being a sneaky backstabber. "Lily! There you are!"

Lily cringed, but knew she was officially outed. Sulking, Lily walked over towards Rosalin, barely making herself visible in the doorway.

"I just popped by to see if you were with the boys," Rosalin explained.

Lily felt her eyebrows raised. Why in the world would Rosalin look for her here of all places? Was she telling the truth or was she up to something devious? Sirius seemed to share her skepticism.

"Sorry, Rosalin, this is a fun compartment. Evans are not permitted."

Lily was just able to see each boy in the compartment. Sirius sat next to James and Remus and Peter sat opposite of them. Sirius' tone had sounded light and joking, but upon inspection, Lily noticed Sirius was frowning and his arms were crossed over his chest. And yet, he didn't look angered, not even disgruntled. That seemed a bit odd to Lily.

"Oh Lily's lots of fun!" Rosalin insisted, waving a hand nonchalantly. "You just haven't seen her in her zone."

"What zone?" a confused Lily finally piped up before realizing she had just ruined her plan of being as inconspicuous as possible.

"Yes, Rosalin, tell us, what zone?" Sirius prodded with a sly smile.

Rosalin replied with a sly smile of her own. "Oh, it's girl stuff, you wouldn't be interested."

But by the look on the boys' faces, Rosalin had just made them very interested. Lily had to suppress a groan. Like these four troublemakers needed any more ways to antagonize her.

"Come in here and close the door; you're letting a draft in. I'll permit Evans inside just this once," Sirius said.

Lily opened her mouth to protest but Rosalin was faster. She grabbed Lily wrist, practically threw her inside, stood in front of the door to block Lily's escape and gently shut the door behind them. All of a sudden, Lily was standing before the four marauders, her back to her only exited that was guarded by her supposed friend. She still wasn't sure if Rosalin was doing this on purpose, but the whole thing seemed very odd. But Lily had bigger problems. Like the fact that she was standing where she was standing.

"Evans, lovely to see you," Sirius greeted with mock manners. "How are things?"

"Err..." Lily knew she sounded dumb. She was _being_ dumb. Why was she so uncomfortable to be around these four? After all, she hadn't done anything wrong. Her reaction to Potter at the lake was entirely justified. And she had sent James a letter to "apologize" about her behavior their last night at Hogwarts. Did the other boys know about the letter? Did they even know about what happened? They weren't with James as backup after all. But she had to imagined James must have mentioned _something_ after the fact.

Lily tried to calm herself. She had done nothing wrong, the air had been cleared. Sure, Lily still thought the four boys before her were complete bigots, but she wasn't about to start any trouble. Maybe they could just start an era of ignoring each other until the end of their time at Hogwarts. So Lily shoved down the irrational unease she was feeling and decided to actually answer, as Sirius was slowing arching an eyebrow higher and higher at her lack of communication skills.

"Oh um, you know. Sad break is over but ready to be able to use my wand again."

Lily expected some japes about her being a class pet or something of the like, but none came. Instead the boys nodded, almost like they understood. Wait... _did_ they understand? Lily suddenly felt very stupid. Of course they would understand. Nobody _liked_ schoolwork, but everyone enjoyed using magic. They were all still underage at the moment, so no one could use magic at home.

"I'm looking forward to dinner," Peter piped up, a giddy look on his face which caused the other three boys to laugh.

"I agree, Peter," Rosalin said from behind Lily. "I'm already feeling hungry."

"Me too," Lily said as she turned to face Rosalin. She raised her eyebrows in hopes that Rosalin would understand the deeper meaning behind her next words. "I was hoping to catch the snack trolley."

James glanced to a watch on his wrist, speaking before Rosalin could say anything. "You probably missed it. She usually starts in the back around lunch time and it's close to one so she's probably closer to us now. You guys can just stay here until she comes."

Lily was at a loss for words. What was going on here? She glanced at James but his face remained neutral. Did he understand the meaning of her letter? Maybe he was also looking for a truce where his friends and her could go about their lives without acknowledging one another. But then, why was he telling them they could stay? Was it just friendliness? Was James Potter even friendly?

While Lily was trying to unravel the complexity to a simple gesture, Rosalin pounced on the idea of spending more time with the boys. Since there were only four seat in a compartment, James and Sirius moved down to the floor beside Remus' and Peter's legs, offering their seats to Lily and Rosalin. Without much to do but accept the seat, Lily hesitantly sat down next to Rosalin, who had nearly scrambled for the seat across from Sirius.

The conversation seemed to flow among the sixth years as they waited for the trolley to arrive. Lily didn't speak much, but she couldn't help but laugh at some of the exchanges, particularly between Peter and Rosalin, Rosalin and Sirius, and Sirius and James. Lily tried to stifle the giggles as much as possible though. By the time the snack trolley came by, Lily was feeling comfortable in her seat and couldn't remember why she had been so insistent on getting back to her compartment in the first place. Sure, she was still annoyed with the boys, but just for once it was nice to sit back and not worry, not want to rip out Potter's eyeballs, and, although Lily hadn't even noticed it, she was, for once, not thinking of Severus. And for once, she did notice, she was having carefree fun.

 **Late Fall- Year Six**

 **Gryffindor Commonroom**

 **Lily**

The rowdiness had died down as the sky got darker. Now the six students were lounging in their seats, the ones who were in chairs, drowsiness pulling at them as their group conversation lazily carried on.

"Is everyone going home for the holiday?" Rosalin asked, curled in the armchair beside Lily.

Everyone said they were, aside from Sirius who mumbled sleepily as he was sprawled out on the floor that he would, as usual, be staying at the Potter home. Lily had nodded but said nothing. This was the first year she was not looking forward to going home for Christmas. Her sister was particularly nasty during the holiday, what with her impossible ideals, and her rather stiff boyfriend Vernon would be joining this year. It was all Lily could do to not fall asleep when he was droning on about his father's company while Petunia stared at him adoringly.

Luckily for Lily, since Severus lived nearby, she spent quite a bit of time with him. She often got most of her homework out of the way long before school started again because she and Severus would hole up in her bedroom, pouring over books. But she didn't have Severus this year and Lily was feeling a lot of dread thinking about all of the quality time she was going to have to spend in her sister's presence.

James was sitting on the floor, his back against her chair. As though sensing Lily's discomfort, or maybe due to the lack of a verbal answer from her, he peered up at her. "What about you, Lily?"

Lily forced a smile. "Oh, yeah, I'll be going home."

This time James did seem to genuinely sense her distress. "Well you know, Sirius can be such a bore sometimes. You should come visit!"

There was a tired, half-hearted objection from Sirius about his complete lack of boringness, but James paid him no mind. Lily smiled down at James. She already knew she wasn't going to visit. Her father had been in poor health lately and Lily was growing worried. She wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, even if it meant dealing with her sister. But she appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

"We'll see," she said. "Thanks, James."

James shrugged, turning his head back and reaching a foot out to nudge Sirius who seemed to have fallen asleep. "What are friends for?"

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

 **So I pretty much wrote this all in one sitting, which is pretty amazing considering my very long writer's block stretch. So I'm pleased! It also helped that my infant just took literally the longest nap of her life, allowing me to sit down in one sitting and crank this out.**

 **As you can see, this chapter's theme was how the friendship grew between the marauders and Lily. I didn't go completely in depth, because this chapter could get super long (and I also didn't have any other ideas). This story isn't supposed to have very long chapters, I don't really think it could sustain itself that way with the way it's written. But I hoped you liked it anyway!**


	4. Chapter 4

**December- Year Seven**

 **Gryffindor Common room**

 **Lily**

The holidays were fast approaching. Being in her seventh year, Lily was swamped with homework. She had essays due for every class, diagrams for at least half of them and spells she was supposed to be practicing. A few of the longer, more in depth essays were due immediately after break but Lily was trying to finish those before break, or at least have a thorough start on them. Lily's father had been growing more ill since last year and she worried that this might be his last Christmas and Lily wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. But that meant she was more stressed than most of her seventh year peers as she worked to complete her homework.

It was late now, nearing midnight, and most of the Gryffindors had retired to their beds. Even the flames in the fireplace were beginning to dim, soon to turn to nothing but embers and Lily knew within an hour she would probably be working by wand light.

James had gone up to his dorm about a half an hour ago, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before racing up the stairs with Remus and Peter. But in all honesty, with how tired everyone was from their heavy course load, it looked more like a contest of who could crawl up the stairs first. Only one marauder remained in the common room, and in fact, was the only person who remained in the room at all aside from Lily.

Sirius had been distracting Lily all night. She had been curled up in her armchair for hours, surrounded by books. Sirius hadn't bothered her with jokes or off-handed comments. He hadn't even approached or addressed her all night. But every time Lily glanced up over whichever book she was reading or whatever paper she was working on, Sirius' eyes seemed to be on her. She couldn't read the look in his dark eyes, nor had she the time to question what the look was, but he wanted something. And she could only imagine that his staying behind was a plan to engage her in conversation. She was right.

"Alright, Evans, we need to talk," Sirius said, perching himself on her armrest.

Lily sighed, bookmarking the page she was on in her textbook and glared over at Sirius. Not so much because he was distracting her from her work, as her eyes were growing itchy from reading anyway, but because he was much too far into her person bubble. But she had guessed this was coming, whatever it was, and was prepared. "Alright, Black, what is it?"

"You've been dating my best mate for a little over a month now, officially anyway."

"Yes?" Lily raised an eyebrow. Where was this going? And should she feel apprehensive?

Sirius' gazed bored into her, making her want to fidget. But Lily knew this was an intimidation tactic and she wasn't going to fall for it. Instead, she squared her shoulders, staring right back at the person James jokingly told Lily was her competition.

"You're not jealous, are you Sirius?" Lily spoke first. "Because we all know there will always be a piece of James' heart that will forever have your name on it."

"Very funny, Evans," Sirius said dryly but Lily could see the amusement in his eyes that he was clearly trying to squash. "We all know you could never take my place; I'm not worried. What I am worried about, are your intentions."

This threw Lily for a loop. She didn't expect _that_ to leave Sirius' mouth. She wasn't even sure what _that_ meant. "Pardon?"

"Up until last year, you hated James. I saw you reject him over and over again. And not with a simple 'no' either; I saw you stomp on his heart at every opportunity and I'm curious to know if that's what you plan on doing again. Are you just taking James for a ride? Because I can't let you break his heart again."

Sirius' tone was casual, as though he was talking about the weather. But Lily was surprised, only able to stare at Sirius with wide eyes. She'd never broken James' heart. Had she? Lily had assumed all these years James was more trying to antagonize Lily rather than acting on true feelings. He certainly came off that way.

"I didn't ever break his heart," Lily stuttered, ready to explain her past dealings with James, but Sirius cut her off.

"Oh? How about in our third year when James finally got the balls to ask you out and you tore him to shreds?"

 **December- Year Three**

 **The Great Hall**

 **Sirius**

Christmas was coming in just a week, which was never cause for much excitement for Sirius. Christmas at the Black home was anything but merry. His experience mostly consisted of being berated by his mother for being a blood traitor and a disgrace while his brother, Regulus, watched, waiting to be patted on the head for being 'the good son'. Naturally, that meant Sirius barely even left his room, especially for Christmas dinner; meaning he spent most of his break practically starving to death until he got back to Hogwarts where he would engorge himself at the beginning of term feast and make himself sick.

But this year Sirius only had to spend Christmas day locked up in his room, as he was planning on staying the majority of break at the Potter home with James and his parents. So for once, Sirius was excited for break and for the first time in several years, he found himself in a very good mood. In celebration of his good mood, Sirius was enjoying a hearty breakfast this morning instead of glumly staring into a bowl of porridge and dreading his day of classes. At least, he was trying to. But this particular morning James seemed intent on spoiling Sirius' merriment.

James was lively in the morning, more lively than most students; always desperately trying to engage his non enthusiastic friends in conversation. The sickening display of morning chipperness was due to the early hour that James rose. He was always awake soon after dawn so he could get in early Quidditch practice before breakfast. Even now that the weather was no longer nice for early morning practice, James was still programmed to be up early and his extra time to get his energy levels up before his friends awoke often left him in such a perky mood in the morning that Sirius always wanted to slap him.

Today was different. Gone was the energetic James, replaced by a brooding teenager who was absentmindedly poking at the uneaten eggs on his plate. Sirius could practically feel the aura of moodiness radiating off of his friend. And Sirius had no need to wonder where the mood was coming from, considering James' continual glances down the Gryffindor table told Sirius all he needed to know.

"Just go ask her to the dance," Sirius sighed, referring to the small dance hosted in the Great Hall every year the night before break began.

James fidgeted. It could have been the sunlight filtering through the enchanted ceiling, but Sirius thought James looked a little green. Nervousness was not something James was accustomed to feeling but maybe girls did that to boys? In Sirius' experience, that had never been a problem. The older they seemed to get, the more flirtatious looks the girls seemed to throw his way. And James' way as well, but James had been intent on Lily for ages now.

"I can't," James said meekly, trying to hide his face.

"Ugh," Sirius rolled his eyes. Looking sadly at his breakfast, which had only been partially eaten, Sirius got to his feet, pulling James up with him.

"Sirius..." James tried desperately.

"Stop being pathetic and go ask her," Sirius rolled his eyes. "What's the worst that could happen?"

James looked doubtful but Sirius shoved him in the direction of Lily and James carefully approached her. Sirius stayed behind, still standing to watch the display but not wanting to step in James' way. He had to do this on his own.

James finally made his way over to Lily, stopping behind her. He cleared his throat. "Lily..."

Lily didn't turn in her seat. Either she hadn't heard James, or she was ignoring him.

"Lily," James tried again, a bit louder.

Sirius saw Lily sighed and finally swivel in her seat, looking up at James, who appeared to be doing his best not to nervously play with his hair or riddle with his hands. But his hands went up to his hair, ranking through it nervously.

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily demanded when James did not immediately speak.

"Well...uh...you know, the Christmas dance is in a few days. Would you like to go with me?"

Lily's eyes narrowed, her face twisting and Sirius could feel his stomach drop. Finally, she spoke. "James, I could think of nothing worse than attending that dance with you."

James' face dropped, appearing completely crushed. But Lily paid him no mind. She promptly turned right back around, returning to her breakfast.

James stood there a moment longer, seemingly in shock. Finally, his shoulders drooped and he sluggishly made his way back towards his friends. When he reached Sirius, he didn't even make eye contact. He didn't sit back down. He just grabbed his backpack by his abandoned seat and made his way out of the hall.

Sirius stood, not knowing what to do. He glanced down the table to Lily Evans, who had started chatting with her friends. She laughed at something one of them had said, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she did so. Sirius' eyes narrowed.

 **December- Year Seven**

 **Gryffindor Common room**

 **Lily**

Lily frowned at the memory. The look on Sirius' face made her want to be feel ashamed, but she wasn't going to. Instead, she felt herself grow defensive. "He asked me out in front of all of those people! Just threw that at me! How was I supposed to react?"

Sirius looked exasperated. "You could have politely declined. Maybe you could have asked to speak with him in private to turn him down. If you were feeling really generous, you could have even said yes. You didn't have to completely humiliate him like that."

Lily crossed her arms over her chest. "If you recall, I wasn't exactly a fan of any of you at that point. You were bullies."

"To your Slytherin buddy who, hello, turned out to be a death eater!"

Lily bristled at the mention of Severus. It had been well over a year since their falling out, but it still stung to think about him. "He is _not_ a death eater!"

"Not right now, not under the watchful gaze of Dumbledore, but the minute he walks out of these halls for good, he's going to march himself straight to Voldemort and offer him his arm," Sirius shot back.

Lily's jaw clenched. She knew he was right of course. Severus had made it very clear about his beliefs. But she didn't want to hear about it. And she certainly didn't want to be patronized for her choice in friends. Severus hadn't always been who he was now. And for that matter, James hadn't always been who he was now.

"James has not always been a person I would choose to associate with," Lily said, her eyes narrowed. She shouldn't have to defend herself for not wanting to date James.

"You didn't even know James," Sirius replied. "You didn't even give him the chance to show you who he really is."

"Well he didn't exactly give off good impressions," Lily rolled her eyes. Honestly, could Sirius really not see how horrible his friends, and himself, appeared to others?

"Well we were right, weren't we? We knew Snape was a slimy git the moment we saw him. It took you how many years to figure that out?"

Lily was suddenly on her feet, her eyes narrowed, her face red from ire, and her hands curled into fists. She didn't know why she didn't want Sirius to speak about Severus that way. After all, in Severus' world, she'd be the first to be eliminated. But he had been her best friend. He had been there all those years. He had cared for her.

"Even _if_ Severus has chosen the wrong side, at least he never tried to kill any of you!" Lily fired at Sirius.

Sirius' eyes darkened. He knew what she was referring to, though by his expression, he wasn't aware that Lily had known. There was no denying his actions. Probably no use in defending them either. At least, not in a way that would make any sense to Lily. But there was one thing he could say, which was true. "Maybe not yet, Lily. But what do you think is going to happen after we leave the safety of these walls? The Ministry hasn't been real persistent on catching Voldemort or his tattooed terrorists. The war is only going to get worse. There will be violence, Lily. People will die. Some of our friends might die. And who is going to be at the end of the wand of one of the perpetrators? Your buddy, Snape. How many of our friends have to die before you realize what he is? Or will it be when his wand is pointed at you?"

Lily was fuming, her body shaking. What could she say to that? That Severus would never do something like that? These Death Eaters were fanatics and would resort to killing every muggle born and maybe even half born in their quest to purify the wizarding world. Lily didn't want to think Severus could be apart of that. She didn't want to believe it.

"We all knew what Snape was going to grow up to be," Sirius said, referring to his group of friends. "And we could debate whether what I did was right or wrong all night. But even if it was wrong, James saved that ungrateful prat. Snape was on a mission to hurt our friend but James still saved him. And you _still_ wouldn't give him the time of day. So if you're wondering if I honestly believe you still might hurt James, then you're right. Because people change. James has changed, Snape has changed, at least according to you. But if you're so blind to what Snape is, then you might be just as blind when it comes to James. And I'm worried."

That was all Sirius said. He didn't give Lily a chance to respond. Instead, he turned on his heel and made his way up to the boy's dormitories. Lily didn't watch him leave. She peered down at the ground, still shaking, but feeling warm tears fill her eyes.

Lily finally sank back into the seat she had abandoned in her rage, trying to decide what had upset her so much. She thought it might be what Sirius had said about Severus, but she knew it wasn't. What Sirius had said about Severus was true, and Lily knew it. She'd known it for a while; which had helped her move past the end of their friendship. What had hurt her more, she decided with annoyance, was how little Sirius seemed to think of Lily's feelings for James. And that was silly, that Lily should care, but she did.

Lily had grown very fond of James, and it nearly frightened her in a way. She had long since grown past simply liking him. In a rather short period of time, Lily had grown to adore James. So much so that she wanted to meet his parents, and she wanted them to like her. She wanted his friends to like her. Because she wanted to be apart of James' life in every way. She was worried that _he_ would break _her_ heart.

"Lily?"

 **James**

"Lily?" James asked tentatively.

Lily was seated in the spot he had left her. But she wasn't pouring over any homework. She seemed hunched in on herself. She raised her head when he said her name and her face was flushed. Her eyes look red-rimmed, like she'd been crying. She was the image of distress.

James frowned. He hadn't been upstairs long. He'd tried lying down, but sleep wouldn't come tonight. It was probably because he'd skipped dinner in an effort to finish an essay due tomorrow and his stomach had been growling. He had gotten out of bed to make his way down to the kitchens. But his hunger was forgotten at the moment as he saw his girlfriend.

"What's wrong?" James asked, approaching Lily. His mind wandered to the fact that Sirius had just come up to their dorm only five minutes ago. Had something happened between him and Lily?

"It's nothing, I'm fine," Lily tried to assure James with a shaky smile as he sat down in the seat beside her.

James frowned. "Come on, Lily. Give me more credit than that."

Lily simply stared over at James. Her eyes were far away and she remained silent for a long time. Finally, her eyes focused and she stared straight into James' eyes. "Did I really break your heart?"

"What?" James asked, thoroughly confused.

"All these years...did you really have feelings for me?"

More confusion. "Of course I did. Why else would I ask you out?"

Looking ashamed, Lily glanced down at the hands folded in her lap. "I thought maybe you were just trying to rile me up..."

James remained silent for a while before he answered. First, he sighed, which made Lily glance up. "I don't blame you for thinking that."

Lily's eyes flashed with surprise.

"I've been really immature the years we've known each other. And the other stuff I did was to rile you up. And I don't know why...I guess I liked to see the fire in your eyes. The passion you had for your friends, even if it was a friend I didn't like."

Lily's eyes scanned James' face, like she was looking for something, though James couldn't imagine what she was looking for. And then, suddenly, Lily laughed, catching James by surprise. "What?"

"You really have changed..." Lily said, tilting her head as she smiled.

James didn't have a clue what she was talking about, or why she found it funny. But he didn't care, because she was smiling at him. She was smiling so sweetly and with so much, dare he say love? It made his heart swell. It made him feel warm even though the fire had extinguished itself and the common room was turning cool. It made him want to do anything to see that smile.

"Hey, are you hungry?" James asked.

"What?" Lily responded, surprised at the sudden shift in conversation.

"I'm starving. I came down here to sneak to the kitchens. Do you want to come?" James offered, getting to his feet.

A small smile slipped onto Lily's face. "Well...I could go for a nice warm mug of cocoa."

James grinned, offering his hand to the redhead, which she took and he pulled her to her feet.

"We have to go under my cloak," James explained. "So you'll have to stay very close to me."

Lily gave James a coy smile that made his tummy twist pleasantly. "I don't think that will be a problem."

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

 **So, short chapter. Honestly, I have no idea why this chapter went this way. It gets a little hard to remember what you plan on writing in a chapter when it takes you several weeks to write it. And often, it's not because I don't have the desire to write; it's that I go to write and then my infant doesn't allow it. So now you guys are stuck with this. Thank my daughter.**

 **Like I said, I don't really know where I was going with this chapter. There turned out to be a lot of angst, didn't there? I have NO idea what the next chapter's theme should be. I still have a major plot point that I've eluded to in several chapters that I have to reveal. In the meantime, I don't know right now. Suggestions are always welcome!**

 **Hopefully you enjoyed this enough! I always felt that Sirius wouldn't trust Lily when her and James first started dating, so this is my representation of what I think would have happened.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


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